Questions for Edward
by Rock'n'Slash
Summary: Once upon a time, the guys are out of the house and Alice and Bella get bored. So, they steal Edward's computer. They find a page that has fan questions on it. They have to comment. This is that page. If you like Bella's Ham Sandwich, you'll love this!


Questions for Edward

_**Questions for Edward.**_

_**I got these from Fang's blog**_

_**Edward is answering them**_

_**Bella, Alice, and Rosalie are making comments**_

_**MWHAHAHAHAHA!!**_

_**I do not own Twilight, or the questions. They belong to James Patterson and Stephanie Meyer. **_

_HI!! BELLA HERE!! The guys are out hunting so Alice and I got bored. We're browsing everybody's computers and making comments. Right Alice?_

Yep!! Bella, I think fan girls want to know more about Edward

_Wow. Really? I had absolutely no idea._

DO YOU HAVE A JAMAICAN ACCENT?

No

_Why would Edward have a Jamaican accent?_

Because fan girls are weird.

DO YOU MOULT?

Weirdo.

Molt what?

_I think feathers_.

WHAT'S YOUR STAR SIGN?

AHAH. Like I would tell you. I would have a million more fan girls chasing after me if I told them I was a cancer. Aw, crap.

_Alice._

Yes.

_Let's laugh evilly._

Why?

_Because it's fun_.

Okay.

_MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!_

MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!  
  
HAVE YOU TOLD CARLISLE I LOVE HIM YET?

I could tell Carlisle if you wanted me to but Esme may have to kill you

_WOOOAAAAA!!_

I'm SCARED FOR LIFE!!

DOES NOT HAVING A POWER MAKE YOU ANGRY?

Haven't you been reading the books? I read minds. Dummy. Oh. Bella says I dazzle people. I'm staring at you. You have forgotten about every else but me. Haha. DAZZLE

_DAZZLED_

BELLA! SNAP OUT OF IT!

DO YOU KNOW HOW TO DO THE SOULJA BOY?

Can you see me doing The Soulja Boy?

_To answer your question, yes he can._

It's hiliarious!!

DOES EMMET KNOW HOW TO DO THE SOULJA BOY?

Jasper does.

THAT"S EVEN MORE FUNNY!!

_I concur._

DO YOU USE HAIR PRODUCTS?

No, of course not. Why would I use hair products? COUGH maybe.

Yes. Edward uses hair products.

_No he doesn't_

Yes he does.

_HE DOES NOT!_  
HE DOES TO!  
_Why are we arguing over whether Edward uses hair products or not?_

I do not no.

_Alice "no" is spelled like this. "know"_

Oops.

DO YOU USE PRODUCTS ON YOUR FEATHERS?

Vampires don't have feathers

_This person is weird_.

WEIRDO!  
  
WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE MOVIE?

Romeo and Juliet. It makes Bella cry. I'm not going any further with that question

Bella, were is he going with this?

…

Bella?

…

Bella?

…

OH MY CARLISLE! SHE DISOPPEARED!

WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE SONG?

I have a song library. I can't have favorites. Anything from the 50's

_This is so very true _

WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE SMELL?

Do you _**REALLY**_ have to ask that question? Bella. Duh.

AWWWWWWWWWWWWWWWW!! BELLA!!

_  
_  
DO THESE QUESTIONS MAKE YOU ANGRY?

They are kind of annoying. Emmet wants to answer them after I'm done.

_WE HAVE TO GO SEE THAT!!_

YEP! We'll take Rosalie.

**Take me where?**

Help us comment!

_YES ROSE!_

**Uhhh….OK**

IF I CAME UP TO YOU IN A STREET AND HUGGED YOU, WOULD YOU KILL ME?

No. Bella would.

_YES I WOULD_

I would have to kill someone if they randomly hugged Jasper.

**Jasper would have already killed him**

_True.  
_  
DO YOU SECRETLY WANT TO BE HUGGED?

I'm not answering.

EVERYONE WANTS TO BE SECRETLY HUGGGED!!  
_CRAZY PERSON!!_  
**WEIRDO!!****  
**  
ARE YOU GOING EMO CAUSE ALICE IS STEALING EVERYONE'S POWERS INCLUDING YOURS?

I still can read minds.

I AM NOT STEALING EVERYONES POWERS!!  
_No, you choose to annoy us._

WHAT'S YOUR FAVOURITE FOOD?

Mountain lion.

**That's a "duh" question**

WHAT DID YOU HAVE FOR BREAKFAST THIS MORNING?

I haven't eaten since this weekend. I had mountain lion.

**Whatever.**

This isn't worth my comment.

_You just commented._

NOOOOOOOOOOO!!  
  
DID YOU EVEN HAVE BREAKFAST THIS MORNING?

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH, no.

This person has weird questions.

_Yep_

DID YOU DIE INSIDE WHEN BELLA ALMOST CHOSE JACOB OVER YOU?

OF COURSE I DID!!

**A****W****W****W****W****W****W****W****W****W****W****W****W****W****W****W****W****W****W****W****W****!****!****!****!****!****! ****B****E****L****L****A****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!**



DO YOU LIKE MAX?

I do not know this Max you speak of.

_Who is this Max person?_

Emmet knows.

**He does?**

Yep. You really don't want to know

**I'm GOING TO KILL HIM!!**

DO YOU LIKE ME?

I think you're funny.

_I think you are annoying_.

DOES EMMET LIKE ME?

He'll tell you when he answers these.

**HE BETTER NOT!!****  
**  
DO YOU WRITE DEPRESSING POETRY?

Poetry, yes. Depressing, no.

Well, Bells, does he?

_Yes_

SQUEALS

**SQUEALS****  
**  
IS IT ABOUT BELLA?

Duh.

OMG!!

**OMG!!**  
__

Is Edward romantic, or what?

**I wish Emmet was like that, the idiot.****  
**  
IS IT ABOUT JACOB?

Why would I write poetry about Jacob Black?

_WHERE IN THE WORLD DID THAT COME FROM!!_

IS IT ABOUT CARLISLE?

No. Definetly no.

_AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!_

AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!

**AHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!****  
**  
ARE YOU GOING TO BLOCK THIS COMMENT?

I guess not.

WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?

Jeans and a shirt. Wow. Do you see how blunt I am?

**Bella, what was he wearing?**

…

Bella?

…

**Bella?**

…

Hello?



DO YOU WEAR BOXERS OR BRIEFS?

…

**Laughs**

Laughs

_I may have to kill someone._

DO YOU FIND THIS COMMENT PERSONAL?

Why don't you ask Bella?

_MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!_

_Alice, I need your samurai sword._

Here you go.

**You have a samurai sword?**

DO YOU WEAR SUNGLASSES?

Why? It rains. A lot. No sun. Therefore, no need for sunglasses.

_So much rain!__  
_  
DO YOU WEAR YOUR SUNGLASSES AT NIGHT?

To busy watching Bella sleep.

**A****W****W****W****W****W****W****W****W****W****W****W****W****W****W****W****W****W****W****W****W****!****!****!****!****!****! ****B****E****L****L****A****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!**



DO YOU SMOKE APPLES, LIKE US?

Alice does

I DO NOT SMOKE APPLES!!

_Alice__._

WHAT?!  
**Don't lie**

FINE! Maybe  
  
DO YOU PREFER BLONDES OR BRUNETTES?

Brunettes. Again, Duh.

**BELLA!**

_I know ___

DO YOU LIKE VAMPIRES OR WEREWOLVES?

OH MY CARLISLE. Vampires. What idiot is sending me this? I hate fangirls.

_HOLELY COW!!_

**THESE PEOPLE A STUPID!!**

MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

**Alice why did you just laugh evilly?**

_B__e__c__a__u__s__e __i__t__'__s __f__u__n_.

MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!

_MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!_

**MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!  
**  
ARE YOU GAY AND JUST PRETENDING TO BE STRAIGHT BY KISSING BELLA?

No.

Blinks

**Blinks**

_Blinks__  
_  
WERE YOU EXPERIMENTING WITH YOUR SEXUALITY?

I have been straight for the past hundred and seventeen years

_WHAT THE?_

**Laughs**

Laughs

_Shut up._

WOULD YOU TELL US IF YOU WERE GAY?

Yes.

_I may have to kill him if he were gay._

DO YOU SECRETLY LIKE IT WHEN PEOPLE CALL YOU EMO?

I'm not Emo. Jasper is.

TRUE!!

I AM NOT EMO!!

**CRAP!****  
**_THEY"RE HOME! QUICK LOCK THE DOOR!_

Whoosh

lock

Pound

Bella, let me in.

_Go away, Edward_

_Laughs_

It makes no since! This is my room!

laughs

_laughs_

**laughs**

Whatever.

ARE YOU EMO?

Whatever.

_Edward is not Emo!_

DO YOU LIKE EGGS?

NO.

_HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!_

**HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!**

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!  
  
DO YOU LIKE EATING THINGS?

Sure, as long as it isn't Bella.

BELLA!!

**BELLA!!**

_  
_  
DO YOU SECRETLY THINK YOU'RE THE SEXIEST PERSON IN THE WHOLE WORLD?

Do you secretly think I'm the sexiest person in the whole world?

_Yes. ___

DO YOU EVER HAVE DIRTY THOUGHTS ABOUT BELLA?

OF COURSE I DO!

**Laughs**

Laughs

_Face turns really red Laughs_

HAS ALICE EVER READ YOUR MIND WHEN YOU WERE HAVING DIRTY THOUGHTS ABOUT BELLA AND GONE 'OMG' AND YOU WERE LIKE 'D:'?

hahahahahahahahahahaha. No. I read the minds. Alice tells the future. I have read Emmet's mind when he is thinking about Rosalie, though. Shudder

That would be weird.

_It would be funny to see your expression_.

**I want to know what Emmet was thinking!!**

I don't

_Me either._

DO YOU LIKE SPONGEBOB?

No. He's yellow and square

Spongebob is the spawn of Satan. 

_Yes!!_

**I concur****  
**  
DO YOU EVER HAVE DIRTY THOUGHTS ABOUT SPONGEBOB?

In all of them, I blow him to Jupiter.

KAPLOOY!!  


CAN YOU COOK?

What do you mean by cook? I prefer raw. Bella cooks her food. Weirdo.

YOU COOK YOUR FOOD?!  
_uhhhhhh yeah_

WEIRDO!

**It must be a human thing.**

DO YOU LIKE TO COOK?

No

_Why would Edward cook?_

**Ummmmmmmmmmm, I shall ponder this**

ARE YOU LIKE, A HOUSEWIFE?

EDWARD CULLEN A HOUSE WIFE?! I laugh at you.

Can you imagine Edward being a fifties housewife?

**laughs**

_laughs_

laughs  
  
DO YOU SECRETLY HAVE INNER TURMOIL?

My inner turmoil is about Bella and whether I should turn her or not, etc.

**BELLA!!**



WHY DON'T YOU POST PHOTOS ANYMORE?

?

WHY DON'T YOU POST YOUR DRAWINGS ANYMORE? THEY WERE REALLY GOOD OKAY.

DO YOU WANT TO BE UNDA DA SEA?

I like breathing. No. I like smelling.

_I, personally, like breathing, too. Where Edward goes, I go. I like land._

DO YOU THINK IT'S NOT TOO LATE, IT'S NEVER TOO LATE?

Of course

**A****W****W****W****W****W****W****W****W****W****W****W****W****W****W****W****W****W****W****W****W****!****!****!****!****!****! ****B****E****L****L****A****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!****!**



WHERE DID YOU LEARN TO PLAY POKER?

We use to live in Vegas

_COOL!_

Don't get any ideas, Bella. I am still planning your wedding.

**laughs**

DO YOU HAVE A GOOD POKER FACE?

I read minds. I don't need a poker face.

_Is he any good at poker?_

**Yep.**

He took three-hundred dollars from me once!  
  
OF COURSE YOU HAVE A GOOD POKER FACE. DOES EMMET HAVE A GOOD POKER FACE?

Yes. I can see right through it.

___**l**__**a**__**u**__**g**__**h**__**s**___

CAN HE EVEN PLAY POKER?

Yeah. He gets furious when I take his money.

**MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!**  
MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!  
_MWHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!_

DO YOU LIKE POKING PEOPLE, HARD?

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

**That's weird**

_Yes it is_

BUT ITS FUN!  
poke  
  
ARE YOU FANGALICIOUS?

No. I'm Edward Cullen. Do I have to say anymore?

_Nope ___

_Here, Edward, you can have your room and computer back._

Thank you.

Let's see what they did to it. OH MY CARLISLE! HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!


End file.
